isn't it funny sometimes, you think your life should be a movie. i know im not the only one who thinks this.
so i was drinking too much the other night and i sent some random texts to my roommates fiancé about the girl ive been emotionally dependent on, how i would do anything for her etc.
except i love how she is actually probably closer to my roommate than me? and she's all talking to the fiance on the phone, the fiance who had encouraged me to express my feelings to her etc etc etc
i just think for a minute........... are these really my friends? bc no they don't support me in my beliefs...
"the standard you walk by is the standard you accept"
how am i supposed to walk by...
what does this mean about my friendships...
im not doing anything w this girl, and im working on getting healthy with her. im disappointed the way things have turned out, im sad to be leaving, and I'm tired of thinking of her constantly and missing her. im laughing at her being in my room right now and chillin with my roommate and just upset. i guess id be more upset her being gone. idk but i know this is dependency, and im getting out of it.
im reading joy millers "addictive relationships" and it is good. going to read some more soon.
the forum group hates me i think.
theres always new things around the corner.
i don't ever want to feel these feelings for a girl again. i hate it so much. i hate the neediness of it. i hate the constant not being sure things in the friendship are ok. i hate the missing. i hate thinking overly positive thoughts about her, lower and lower thoughts about myself, losing where i am with God, etc.
im getting back on track God. im going to find you.
