while i'm discouraged

note to self while i'm discouraged.

"do not let your hearts be troubled. you believe in God - believe also in Me." - Jesus, John 14:1


its easy to get discouraged right?
see all the problems, issues, how it affects us physically...
its easy to let feeling take over right, and forget the truth?

forget He does love me, even though so often i feel like i must annoy you God, or that i must be disgusting to you... what better way could He have proved it to me that He loves me? he came to earth to die in the flesh in my place... why would He do it if He didn't love me. doesn't he know we're going to screw up anyways. am i forgetting that beautiful thing called grace?


He's got all this kid. trust Him at His word and what He's said.
walk with Him through it.
isn't this about learning to depend on Him in each moment,
remind yourself of all the prayers He's answered and things He's walked with you through.
you'll get through this too. it will be okay.
it's all been met in Jesus, this Jesus. He was the Good One on your behalf. surrender your own righteousness and find rest my friend. be still and know that He is God. Hide in the cleft of the rock, in Jesus Christ... find fellowship and communion with Him in His love for you. remind yourself the ways He has loved you and told it to you. don't forget Him like Israel did. refuse the idols their power... it's Him! spend some time with Him and remind yourself!!! like she said. isn't the whole OT just a big billboard saying "remember!" and you can pray for them while you are gone instead of just wistful missing.


enjoy the cello :) haha laurie and the speaker idea. awesomeee!


let my words be few - phillips craig & dean

elyse fitzpatrick on idolatry. great read!

Elyse Fitzpatrick

Rachel’s Gods: Women, Idolatry, and the Power of the Cross

Session 1

This is the Law: No Other Gods

What does God command us concerning idolatry. And what does God command us concerning single-hearted worship and devotion to Him. Can’t motivate you to worship by making you feel guilty. I want to show you Jesus, and paint such a picture of the gospel for you, that all those things that presently entice you, all of those gods that call your name, they will lose their voice, in light of what our Savior has already done for us. May the Lord enable us to not only see our idols, but also to see Him.

1 John 5:21 – Little children, keep yourselves from idols. He says this to believers. Idolatry is not just something in Asian cultures. I saw enough Buddha’s to last me a lifetime. Easy to think – I’m so glad I’m not involved in that. Our idolatries are not so obvious as that. It’s not so outward, burn a bowl of rice. For me it’s something else… there are other gods in my life that I worship and serge. What do you love? What do you worship? What do you serve? What are the idols in your heart that drive you, that you love, that you serve, that you worry about when you don’t have? Well here’s the question: what do you worry about? Jesus, Himself said, where your treasure is – that’s where your heart is going to be. then he launches into a long discussion of worry – and what causes worry – is that we have treasure, elsewhere. What are your treasures? If you have treasure here, you’re going to worry, because there are moths and rust and thieves… Look at your worrying… and find what’s at the bottom of that? is it something that I worship, something that I serve.

Exodus 20:1-5… first command? You shall have no other gods before Me. wonderful news – is that, embedded in the Law, even in the first commandment – is the gospel. Listen, here’s the good news. God first of all, speaks to people. I mean, he doesn’t have to. isn’t that good news? He speaks to us. and when he does, he says: I am your God! that’s good news! That’s good news that he calls himself our God, and that we are in relationship with Him. Then He says, what He has done. “brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.” That’s the perfect example of what we need to do. out of the house of slavery, out of Egypt, out of bondage – I am the Lord your God --- now in light of that --- don’t worship anything else. In light of the good news, in light of all God’s already done, don’t worship any other gods.

Let’s ground all this in the good news. And the good news is --- He’s your God, He’s brought you out of the house of slavery, out of Egypt, He speaks to you – now, in light of all of that love and goodness – don’t worship anything else but Him.

Deuteronomy 6:5 – you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, with all your mind. how many of you have read this? how many of you have ever done that? none of you raise your hand. NONE of us. none of us have ever really done that. not for more than a nanosecond. Bc just as soon as I think I’m doin it – it’s over, right? awwww, im being so -- -ah – there I go, worshipping myself again. worshipping my own opinion of myself, worshipping your opinion of me… none of us ever really do that.

Now Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? here are God’s requirements. Want to know what God requires of you? hate to do this without reminding you of the gospel and what he’s already done, but im gonna do it anyways. Deuteronomy 10:12-13  - “…to fear the Lord your God, to walk in his ways…” --- what, what? Reverent worship of God, to fear him above everything else. not cringing slavish fear, but, that reverent worship to worship Him, and hold Him above everything else. What does God require of us? that we fear Him, and walk in all His ways.  

REALLY? All? that’s a not happy word there. wait… ALL his ways? What are His ways? Ok He is holy…. And merciful… and just… and kind and wise, thoroughly pure, and good… walk in all His ways, all the time? I mean when im on the freeway, all His ways, all the time? when I’m pressed for time, all His ways, all the time? when my… kids are not supposed to be what they’re doing, all His ways, all the time? keeping Him always as – first in my heart? see what I see in my own life, there’s this passage in Jeremiah 2, and God says, “My people have forgotten me days without number.” K that’s, closer to where I am. I don’t wanna say that I forget God everyday, but… all His ways, all the time… keeping Him as first always in my heart? wow.

“to love Him.” (deut 10 passage continued). Do I love Him? well I know you wouldn’t be listening to this today (or reading) if you didn’t have some sort of love for God. unless your mom made your or something. But generally speaking, people don’t listen to teaching on idolatry unless they have a love for God. if I looked at a video of your life, I think I would see a bent to love God – however – ALWAYS love God? always love Him? always hold Him as first in your heart?

and “to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statues of the LORD, which I am commanding you today for your good?”… Do we do this? I mean, really? Do we do this? we do not.

Deuteronomy 30:6-7 – “And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring [well hallelujah for that], so that you will love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, that you may live.” See we need our hearts changed so that we can love Him, don’t we? We need Him to work powerfully in us.

So lets face it. without His prior work in us, we are entirely lost. Love like that – feeling very pressured to get something done… “I only have.. 13 minutes to get something done, and people are in my way – ”… love like that? love Him first of all? love Him first and foremost? When I want something very much? Really longing to have something? Desiring it? and then saying – “Lord, I leave that with you. I’m going to love you more.” See I need God work in my heart. and yes when we come to Christ, He does write His law upon our hearts and changes our hearts… but still, we need that ongoing work of God.

You may be thinking – “well that’s only something the Old Testament talks about.” OT talks about idolatry, but the NT does not. yes it does. And it talks about it all over the place. of course, this command to only love, worship, and serve God --- Jesus himself distilled for us in these words (Matthew 22:36-40): [teacher what is the great commandment of the Law?] – “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind…”

Think about that. think about having your mind be completely, and utterly CONSUMED with love for God. …… [looking totally perplexed] - what?

“…This is the great and first commandment.” See that is a positive commandment, to the negative commandment – you shall not have any other gods before Me. you see, our idolatry is really a function, of our love for other things. other people, who have other desires. So our idolatry – really functions in our life --- because we don’t love God. with our whole heart, soul, and mind.

“And a second is like it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. on these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Um… you know the reason you don’t love your neighbor? And I’m not talking your neighbor, neighbor – or maybe I am. you know why you don’t love your neighbor? Cuz you have other gods. See, if the Lord God, is your sole love, and devotion --- then you’re gonna love your neighbor – do you know why? Because He’s created in the image of the One you love. So my neighbor. My neighbor who bothers me, who gets under my skin, who doesn’t do what I wish my neighbor would do, whether that’s my brother, or employer, or friend, or the lady in the grocery store who’s in your way. see I don’t love her, John says, because really in my heart I don’t love God.

If I really loved God, I would love my neighbor. See the problem is not – “oh we need to sit around and talk about how to love your neighbor better.” That’s not gonna help. What we need to do is talk about how we love God – and of course, the only thing that’s gonna motivate us to love God, the way we should love God, is the gospel. We’ll get there. I’m having to control myself, bc you know what I wanna do.

Hebrews 10:16-17 – “This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my laws on their hearts, and write them on their minds,” then he adds, “I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.” well hallelujah for that. Amen? Really? I’m going to remember their sins and lawless deeds no more? I’m trying really hard now to stay on the Law [she’s smiling]. He’s gonna put within us a desire – He’s gonna write His law on our hearts – that law that was originally written on stone tablets, outside of us – is going to become a desire within us. He will by His Spirit, at regeneration, write His laws upon our hearts.

And write them on their minds. Isn’t that beautiful? The Lord’s gonna change how we think. [AMEN!!!!!] … And He is in the process of doing that.

Here we are talking a little bit again about loving our neighbor and obeying His commandments. 1 John 5:2-5 – “By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey His commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.”

(TONS MORE. this is just what i have so far...)

goddess full of soul, of beauty

goddess full of soul, of beauty
how might one begin to tread
on road so sacred, hallowed, wand'ring
how might one lift up his head

set me free from this enchantment
show me how thou art but man
blinded to all other pathways
holy ground, we meet again

shall creation mock Creator
can a goddess triumph God
have you once again forgotten
do you know the road you trod

in the eye of her beholder
squirms a quick & hungry worm
starving what it might devour
killing as it doth infirm

thunder on this road to Egypt
crashes on green hill and tree
should God unleash His jealous anger
burnt as Sodom I would be

help me Lord, I pray thee harken
save me from my sickly heart
help me smash my golden goddess
may I remember truth in darkness

Jesus and ssa. and im sorry i am PISSED.

ok guys.

i am same-sex attracted.
but that's not my whole identity. im not "gay" or whatever.

i follow Jesus. im a sinner, im fallen, but i do love him and im here to follow after him and love him and live my life for Him.

i am SOOO freakinn pissed right now.

my friend jareth, like my best friend, or atleast friend im comfortable talking about anything with, sharing anything with, apparently gave my number to a lesbian chick and told her to text me - she texts me says, he said " you may need to talk to someone whose been through stuff..."

wow. ok wow jareth. like really?

i hate that he continues to support the other side? how i tell him about people i'm having issues with and he tells me its ok to explore it etc.

now he knows my desire is to follow the Lord and he gives my number to a lesbian?

like now i feel bad she texts me like my heart goes out to her, i hope for her to be fulfilled too and yeah it would be cool one day to talk to her and know her story or whatever.

except that's not the time right now, im not ready to, i have to flee temptation. i don't want to get sucked in to this.

i hate that he is like my best friend yet he is not a follower.... thats my problem.

im so pissed off right now, and im sorry whoever reads this. please pray for me. i hope God really settles my heart about this bc im pretty pissed at him. i know he is trying to "help" - but its not to help me and my goals. its to help what HE thinks is fine and good. but if i cut him off i lose my best friend. this is stupid. sorry to be saying all this. i hope you got that part that im a FALLEN follower of Christ... he's perfect.. i am not. im a pretty poor example of him. God please forgive me and help my heart right now because i am so pissed.