EMDR

today at EMDR, when she told me to bring my nurturing figure in, i didn't realize the nurturing figure would be joining the conversation.

i was sitting there (my 7th grade self), with shannon and the nurturing figure, and it took the focus off just me and what was wrong. there was another person involved. other opinions. other perspectives. other comments. it made a world of difference.

i started to cry as the theratapper was buzzing, as i was remembering shannon telling me to tell my parents. i remember the anxiety of what i was supposed to tell them, how i had the weekend to do it, how i was so scared.

i remember the nurturing figure looking at me comfortingly and telling me that she would go with me. that i needn't worry about it. i was overwhelmed with this gesture.


how much it means to me, when someone goes with me into an unknown.
to not go alone.
to go with one who is not afraid, or one who will go with you into the unknown.
i was overwhelmed with this kindness.
that she would walk with me in my fear up to my parents door,
and be there to advocate for me, to speak with me the words i didn't know what to say

truly "two are better than one."
truly we were made for each other, and not to be alone

this meant the world to me, that she would walk me to their door.
the same as everyone else who has been extremely meaningful to me.

adams driving me to the rifle range
lana driving me to bible study that night i was walking there on halloween
those ones who took me to the airport
ian who showed me on google maps how to find my unit

the nurturing figure who walks with me up the stair and around the corner to my parents door
down the dark hallway, takes my hand from hiding under the covers

this is what happened mom and dad
this lady at school, miss washburn, told me to tell you that i like girls.
i don't know what it means, and it scared me a lot. but i want to be honest, and im not trying to hide anything. but im terrified, and she told me i can't change. and that i have to tell you.

my nurturing figure stands beside me, strong

strong for me

strong

isn't that interesting.